Our Infinity
by Cheeky Slytherin Lass
Summary: 100 AUs about Remus and Sirius.::3. Tattoo artist!au: Sirius makes an impulsive decision in hopes of impressing the cute receptionist at the tattoo studio
1. Summer Lovin

_Gobstones_ , _grey stone (summer): lifeguard!au, book, periwinkle_

 _Emporium, Liza: Wolfstar_

 _Film Festival: whistle_

 _Auction: Alphard Black_

 _Word Count: 761_

* * *

"You don't have to keep looking at me like you don't trust me, Uncle Alphard," Sirius says, adjusting the silver whistle around his neck. "I am actually a responsible teenager. I'm a _lifeguard_ **,** for crying out loud."

His uncle studies him for several moments. Sirius is certain Uncle Alphard is wondering if he's made a mistake in allowing his eldest nephew to take a summer job at his public pool. Admittedly, his concern would be valid. Sirius _does_ have a bit of a reputation for being a flirt, and there is temptation all around him. Still, it isn't completely fair. Sirius isn't completely hopeless.

"I'm counting on you," Uncle Alphard says at last, reaching out and ruffling Sirius' dark hair. "Don't let me down, kid."

Sirius scowls slightly, fixing his hair. "I've got this," he assures the older man.

His uncle doesn't look completely convinced, but he shrugs. "Don't forget your sunscreen," he cautions. "I'll be manning the snack bar today if you need me."

With a bright grin, Sirius offers him a salute. "Aye aye, Captain."

…

Being a lifeguard is terribly boring. Sirius had always imagined it would be some epic, dramatic ordeal, and he would be regarded as a hero.

After three hours on duty, however, his only excitement had come from helping a scared four year old find his aunt.

It isn't fair. He's restless and wants nothing more than to jump into the cold water and swim off some of his energy, but he can't. Uncle Alphard had emphasized the importance of staying alert and keeping his eyes on the pool at all times. Still, he would much rather keep his body _in_ the pool.

"Remus? Remus!"

The sudden distressed cry draws him out of his thoughts. A teenage boy with messy black hair leans over the side of the pool where someone is frantically flailing about.

"Help!" the boy calls. "He can't swim!"

Sirius springs into action, pulling the whistle between his lips and blowing hard. "Make way!" he yells.

Maybe he would prefer things to stay boring. His heart races as he realizes he is responsible for this person's life. If he's too late, if he hesitates for even a second…

Sirius dives into the water, hauling the flailing person out and over the side to safety. In the back of his mind, he's vaguely aware that the person he's just rescued is handsome, but, for once, flirting is the last thing on his mind. Sirius sets about, compressing the other boy's chest and performing mouth to mouth.

It feels like an eternity passes, but the boy finally sputters, sitting up. Confusion is clear in his tawny eyes. "What…?" He winces, massaging his throat.

"You fell in, you wally," the black haired boy says fondly before turning his attention to Sirius. "Thank you. Remus, here, can't swim, but he says the pool is the best place to read."

"My… My book?" Remus looks around. "James?"

Only then does Sirius notice the paperback floating in the water. Grimacing, he reaches in and fishes out the saturated, soggy mess of a book. "I'm afraid it wasn't as lucky," Sirius says, holding it out to Remus.

"Yes, well, thank…" Remus stares at him, his cheeks turning a soft pink. He clears his throat and looks away. "Thanks."

…

Sirius keeps his eyes on Remus for the remainder of his shift. He knows he should pay attention to the whole pool, but the boy in the periwinkle swim trunks keeps drawing his attention.

Several times, James catches Sirius staring and nudges Remus, whispering something.

Maybe Sirius should be more subtle, but where's the fun in that?

…

"Off duty?" Remus asks when Sirius climbs down at last.

"Yep. Which means I can finally enjoy the water myself," he says, nodding at Marlene as she passes to take his place at the lifeguard tower.

"Do you like swimming?" Remus asks.

He's blushing, and Sirius thinks it's the most adorable thing in the world. "I do," he confirms. "It's fun. Wanna grab some crisps? My treat."

"Th-that would be great," Remus says, offering him a soft smile.

They make it to the snack bar. Uncle Alphard looks like he wants to comment on the fact that Sirius isn't alone. Instead, he offers him a smile. "Heard you were a hero today, kid."

"My hero," Remus says, blush deepening.

Sirius gets the crisps before leading Remus to his favorite picnic table by the pool. Summer has only just begun, but he has feeling it's going to be an amazing one already.


	2. Upon the Stormy Seas

_Disney: "[Name], do you really think Father needs our help?"_

 _Amber's Attic: mermaid!au_

 _Lyric Alley: I'm not scared to be seen_

 _Arcade, Sindel: purple, screaming, long hair_

 _Auction: Wolfstar_

 _Snape Appreciation, Skele Gro: Write about an injury_

 _Word Count: 1278_

* * *

"Sirius, what do you think you're doing?" Regulus demands.

Sirius swears softly under his breath. He had hoped his brother would be asleep by now. "Reg…"

A thousand excuses cling to his tongue, desperate to escape. How can he tell his little brother the truth? They come from a long line of pirates. He's supposed to be proud of his heritage. But he can't do it anymore; he wants out.

"Father said—"

"Regulus, do you really think Father needs our help?" Sirius asks dryly. "Come on. No one will miss me."

Regulus tugs at his long hair, biting his lip. "I will."

Sirius can feel his heart breaking. It's almost enough to make him stay.

But he can't. This isn't the life he wants to live.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" Sirius whispers, patting the younger man's cheek.

…

Sirius is far out at sea when he hears the screaming in the distance. They know of his betrayal.

Maybe it isn't too late. He could turn back, and everything will be okay.

He doesn't. He has made his choice, and he will stick with it.

…

Remus knows he shouldn't follow the small boat, but curiosity gets the best of him. It doesn't matter that his last encounter with a human had left him scarred. He needs to know why this man is out here in such a small boat.

His father will lecture him when he returns. Remus is still a cautionary tale among the merfolk. Everyone looks at him as a reminder of why humans cannot be trusted.

But Remus doesn't care. They're fascinating creatures, and he _needs_ to understand.

Keeping a safe distance, he emerges, his tail swishing back forth, propelling him forward slowly.

The handsome man doesn't notice him.

Somehow, it's almost heartbreaking.

…

Remus follows, his curiosity only growing stronger. They are so far from land.

Does the human know? Does he care?

Part of him knows he should return to the kingdom beneath the water, but he can't. He feels drawn to the human, and he knows he has to keep him safe.

…

Sirius doesn't know how long he drifts. It feels like an eternity. The one small mercy is that grey clouds have covered the unforgiving sun. At least he won't burn up today.

He is too many other things to worry about, though. His meager food and water rations are quickly depleting. If he doesn't reach land soon, he will probably die.

With a sigh, Sirius lays back in the boat. An almost manic laugh spills from his chapped lips.

It doesn't matter how miserable he is, or that he is almost certainly a dead man. At least he will face death as a free man, a man no longer bound to his criminal family.

He closes his eyes, and he's almost certain he sees a figure poking out of the water in the distance. The thought quickly fades from his mind when the first raindrop hits his skin.

…

This isn't just a quick shower. The water grows choppy, and Sirius screams as his boat his tossed amongst the waves, as though he is nothing.

As a wave rips the boat apart, Sirius is thrown overboard, his head thudding against the wood. Slowly, the world grows dark.

…

Remus hesitates. He knows be should let the man drown, but he can't bring himself to do it. The vow of secrecy means nothing to him now.

Remus swims against the raging water, diving and retrieving the man from the water. There's a nasty purple bruise on the man's forehead, and he seems to be unconscious.

"Hey," Remus says softly. "Wake up. I need you to stay with me."

He doesn't know how similar humans and merfolk are, but be hopes for the best. He remembers being young and hitting his head on a rock. His mother had stressed the importance of keeping him awake.

"Stay with me," Remus repeats.

The man opens his eyes, groaning. "Who…?" But he doesn't finish. He falls slack, but his grey eyes remain open.

…

Sirius doesn't understand. There is a man with him, but that's impossible. He's in the middle of the sea, and yet…

"I'm dead, aren't I?" His words are slurred, and his head pounds. The storm rages on, but the other man seems to swim with little difficulty.

The man is cute. A cute man in the middle of the sea.

Sirius laughs. "I'm dead, and this is Heaven."

"I don't know what Heaven is," the other man says, "but you most certainly are not dead."

Sirius isn't quite convinced. But maybe the other man is right. After all, angels are supposed to have wings, but this one has a tail.

"Mermaid…"

…

Remus rolls his eyes. He could be pedantic and explain that he is a merman, that mermaids are female, but he doesn't bother. "I'm called Remus."

"Sirius… Sirius Black."

"Your boat was destroyed."

It seems ridiculous to say. Surely Sirius knows that already. There's no way a boat as small as his could have survived.

Sirius just laughs. "So much for escaping."

…

They talk. Sirius tells him about his life as a pirate, his desire to live an honest life. Remus talks about the laws of the sea, how contact with humans is forbidden.

"But here you are." Sirius wonders if he should feel special.

Remus chuckles. "Here I am," he agrees.

They talk as Remus carries him through the water. Sirius shivers and aches; it's only a matter of time before shock sets in.

The storm has long since passed by the time silence hangs between them. He's surprised that it's such a comfortable silence.

…

Why does Remus feel an attachment to him? He ought to be afraid. There's a reason his kind are meant to stay hidden.

But he isn't scared. After talking to Sirius, he feels something, but he can't explain what.

Sirius shivers, his teeth chattering. Remus swallows dryly. Humans are not meant for these temperatures. Sirius will die if he doesn't reach shore soon. It would be so much faster underwater, but Sirius is not equipped to breathe beneath the surface.

All Remus can do is duck his head and force himself to move faster. It's exhausting, and he feels his energy depleting, but he knows that stopping or slowing down would mean certain death for Sirius.

…

By the time Remus slows down, Sirius is in and out of sleep. He jolts awake, curling his toes, trying desperately to feel his feet.

"This is where I must leave you," Remus says.

It takes several moments for Sirius to realize that they're in shallow water, that land is only a moment away. It should be good news, but he feels his heart breaking. "I…" He turns his gaze to Remus. "I don't want to go."

"You have to."

Sirius is trembling, gripped by a chill he can't seem to shake. He pulls Remus close, kissing him with every ounce of energy he has.

"Thank you," Sirius whispers.

…

Remus doesn't want to look back as he swims away, but he can't resist it. When he turns, he sees Sirius on the shore, his knees drawn to his chest, still staring at the horizon.

With a sigh, Remus forces himself forward, diving beneath the waves.

He's encountered humans twice in his life. The first, a man aboard a ship called Greyback, had captured him in his net and left his body scarred.

Now, one who had been so kind, so good has left Remus with a broken heart.

Perhaps there's a reason his kind are not meant to interact with humans.


	3. Permanent

_Amber's Attic: tattoo artist!au_

 _Auction: tattoo artist!au_

 _Snape Appreciation, Babbling Beverage: Write about a talented person._

 _Word Count: 1017_

* * *

"Sirius? Sirius, are you even listening to me?"

Sirius is well aware that his brother is talking to him, but he doesn't care. His eyes are fixed upon a handsome man with messy brown hair entering a shop. He glances at the name of the building: Stag Tattoo Studio.

"I think I want to get a tattoo today," he says.

"You don't just get tattoos on a whim!" Regulus protests, but Sirius starts forward, his brother on his heels. "You're impossible."

Sirius smiles. "So I've been told."

…

Sirius has never stepped inside a tattoo studio until now. He's always imagined them to be dimly lit places, filled with smoke and dirt. Instead, the place is quite clean. Framed art hangs on the crimson walls, as well as examples of tattoo designs the artist must have drawn.

Sirius pauses, studying a beautifully drawn wolf. Regulus nudges him. "Are you serious about this?"

"I'm always Sirius. It's literally my name, Reg."

His brother doesn't look amused, but he doesn't argue. Instead, he takes a seat in the lobby area while Sirius slowly makes his way along.

"Do you have an appointment?"

Sirius turns. He can't help but notice how out of place the handsome man looks with his cardigan and pastel button-up shirt.

"An appointment?" he echoes before shaking his head. "Er… No. Sorry. I don't."

The man nods before turning his attention to a planner, his eyes scanning over the scribbled notes. "If you want something small, you're in luck," he says. "James has about an hour before his next client is scheduled."

Regulus appears at his side again, looking through the jewelry beneath the glass case. "How do you think I would look with a septum piercing?" he asks.

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Like you've got a septum piercing," he says. "A small tattoo is actually exactly what I have in mind."

The man with the cardigan nods. "Good. Let me see your ID, please."

Sirius hands his ID over. He keeps his gaze fixed upon the other man, admiring him silently as he copies the card.

"So… Do you have any tattoos?" Sirius asks.

The man shakes his head, grabbing a sheet of paper. "No, but James keeps trying to bully me into it." He places a form on the counter before handing Sirius a pen.

"What's your name?" Sirius asks.

"Remus. Why?"

Sirius offers him a grin. "It asks what tattoo I want. I'd like your name to remember the most handsome man I've ever seen."

Regulus snorts, slapping his palm against his forehead. "Jesus Christ, Sirius."

Remus blushes a soft pink. He opens his mouth, seems to reconsider, and snaps is closed again.

"I'm kidding," Sirius laughs. "About the tattoo, at least. Not the bit about you being incredibly handsome."

The blush darkens. Remus looks away quickly, and Sirius can't help but grin as he fills out the form. Regulus leans in. "Paw prints, Sirius? Really?"

"Shut up. You want a septum piercing," Sirius reminds him.

Remus takes the form and glances over it before nodding. He disappears behind a black curtain before returning and gesturing Sirius forward. Sirius follows, taking a deep breath.

He's plenty of ridiculous things in his youth while trying to impress people he's attracted to, but this is major. None of his other antics had been so permanent.

A tall man with messy hair and glasses waves to him. "Paw prints, huh?" he asks, holding out a few prepared sketches for Sirius. "First time?"

"Yes," Sirius answers, picking out a pair of prints.

"Any questions?"

Sirius glances at Remus who still stands at the curtain. He nods, and points in the receptionist's direction. "Yeah. Can he hold my hand?"

…

Sirius is surprised by how easy the process is. The needles hurt, but it doesn't take long to adjust to the sudden pain. Having Remus hold his hand definitely helps as well.

They chat, and the time goes by quickly. Remus tells him that James lets him work there during the day while pays for night classes. He's going to be a teacher one day.

Sirius tells him about the garage he and Regulus own, about the motorbikes he's so passionate about.

It seems like no time at all passes before the steady buzzing of the tattoo gun fades. James wipes Sirius' skin, leaving a smear of ink and blood on the paper towel.

"All done," James announces.

Sirius examines the paw prints over his ankle and grins. James is truly a talented tattoo artist. Something so simple somehow looks absolutely extraordinary. "Perfect," he decides.

Remus leads him out. As Sirius pays for the tattoo, the other man hands him care instructions. "The studio's phone number is on the back," he says. "Feel free to call if you have any concerns or questions."

"Actually, I need your personal number," Sirius tells him. "You're the only one who can answer my question."

"What question?"

Sirius offers him a crooked grin. "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

Remus swallows dryly. Several moments of silence pass between them, and he busies himself by picking up the shop's planner and staring at it like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

"No pressure," Sirius assures him. "I just think you're lovely, and I would love the chance to get to know you better."

Finally, Remus sets the planner down and grabs a pen. He scribbles his number down on the care instructions. "I'm free Wednesday night," he says.

"I'll call you, and we can figure something out then." Sirius folds the paper and tucks it into his shirt pocket. "I can't wait."

When they're outside, Regulus playfully shoves him. "Did you really just permanently alter your body in hopes of getting a date?"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

Regulus shakes his head. "You're impossible."

Sirius shrugs. Maybe it had been an impulsive decision. Maybe most people would consider it a stupid thing to do.

But it doesn't matter. His tattoo looks good, and he has a date. All in all, he would say it's been a successful day.


	4. Until He's Ready

_Assignment 3, Gardening task 4: Write a reincarnation!au_

 _Auction:Wolfstar_

 _Word Count: 1104_

* * *

The first person Sirius meets on the train is a boy named James Potter. He's kind enough, and Sirius likes the way his hazel eyes always seem to sparkle like he's up to something.

"Black?" James asks, dark brows raising as he stretches his long legs out. "Bunch of Slytherins, I hear."

Sirius almost laughs. He's old enough to _remember_ now, and there's something almost humorous about the family he's been born into in this lifetime. To his knowledge, every Black that's attended Hogwarts has been in Slytherin. He wonders if anyone else _remembers_ , if they could understand exactly how fitting it is.

…

 _It is done. After years of planning, dreaming, and building, Hogwarts is finally complete._

 _Salazar walks the corridors of the castle, his grey eyes narrowing as he observes the stone walls. It's still so shiny and new, and his heart swells with pride._

 _This is their legacy. He knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that this school will stand for centuries to come._

…

"Black, Sirius!"

Sirius offers James a grin before making his way to the front of the Great Hall and taking his place upon the stool. Professor McGonagall lifts the Sorting Hat, and he can't help but smile.

…

" _A hat, Godric?" Salazar shakes his head, unable to resist the smirk that curls his lips. "And this is how you expect to evaluate children?"_

 _His lover is surprisingly calm. Sometimes it amazes Salazar that he seems to have such an effect on Godric. Ordinarily, his lover is so quick to fight. Even the smallest comment can be seen as a challenge, and so many people have to choose their words carefully around him._

" _Do you have a better idea?" Godric asks simply._

" _No."_

 _Godric moves closer, and the sunlight illuminates his red hair, making him look as though he is bathed in fire. Salazar swallows. He hates how easily Godric makes him feel weak. With a smirk, Godric moves closer and presses a kiss to Salazar's lips._

" _Smug bastard," Salazar mutters._

…

 _Ah,_ the Sorting Hat whispers in his ear. _Welcome back._

Sirius smiles. He doesn't know how the Sorting Hat recognizes him in this life, but it doesn't matter. At least there won't be any issues, and he'll return to his House, and all will be right with the world.

 _You've changed so much_ , the Sorting Hat muses. _Oh, I still see your ambition, but this life is not meant for that._

"What?"

 _He must have really had an impact on you if you're carrying the things he taught you into this one._

Sirius swallows dryly. He doesn't have to ask who the Sorting Hat means. "Godric," he whispers.

But he doesn't know what his old lover has to do with anything. His soul has not met Godric's in any of the lives he's lived since those early years of building Hogwarts. Godric hasn't influenced him at all.

Even as he thinks that, though, he knows it isn't quite true. How many times has he winced whenever his parents would lecture him about the importance of blood purity? Hasn't there always been this strange desire to rebel, to be something so much more than what his parents want him to be?

"Do it," Sirius says.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

…

" _Stay!" Godric demands, and the way his voice breaks with emotion is almost enough to make Salazar reconsider._

 _He doesn't have to leave. Maybe he can find a way to pretend; maybe he can stay, and Godric's love will be enough._

 _He knows that he can't, though. His mind is made up, and nothing can change it. Some disagreements cut too deep, and even if he pretends, Godric and the others will never look at him the same. He has made his views crystal clear._

" _I'm sorry," Salazar says._

 _Godric scoffs. "An apology is not enough to mend a broken heart."_

 _Salazar doesn't respond. Instead, he turns his back to the man he loves, draws the hood of his cloak over his head, and walks away. Though he will never tell Godric or even dare voice it aloud, he makes a promise to himself that he will change, that when they meet again in the next life, he will be ready._

…

He can feel the uncertainty when he takes a seat at the Gryffindor table. Blacks are always Slytherins, and now no one seems to know how to react to him. When he looks up at the line of students to be Sorted, however, James catches his eyes and offers him a double thumbs up.

James isn't the only one staring, though. There's a boy beside him with scars across his face and the most beautiful jawline Sirius has ever seen.

It doesn't matter how many lifetimes have passed. Sirius recognizes him as though nothing has changed at all.

"Lupin, Remus!"

The scarred boy forces his attention away from Sirius and moves forward. Sirius almost laughs. Two Founders have returned to the school in one day. He wonders if the Sorting Hat will be able to cope.

…

 _Each life brings a new outlook, while each death brings a new chance._

 _He looks for Godric, but they never meet. Sometimes, he could trick himself into believing that some man or another is his lover's reincarnation. It never is, and it never seems to mend the hole in his heart._

…

The Sorting Hat drops over Remus Lupin's eyes. Sirius watches, but he can already guess what the outcome will be. Though he has changed in each lifetime, Godric has always felt so constant, so steady.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

When Remus climbs to his feet, his eyes meet Sirius', and he grins as he makes his way to the table.

…

 _During a life in the nineteenth century, a fortune teller looks into her crystal ball. She tells him that he will find what he's looking for whenever he's ready._

 _But he's always been ready to find Godric again._

…

"Hello, Salazar," Remus Lupin says as he sits beside Sirius.

"Godric," Sirius says, trying to keep his voice level. "You remember?"

"You betrayed me," Remus answers, shrugging his slender shoulders. "I remember that quite clearly."

"I've changed."

At first, Remus doesn't answer. His tawny eyes are fixed intently on Sirius. Slowly, his lips tug into a smile and he rests his hand on Sirius'. "I'm glad to see you again. Let's get it right this time."

"I promise."

And as they sit together, reunited at last, Sirius finally understands the fortune teller's words. It has taken lifetime after lifetime, but he has finally found his way.

Now, he is ready.


	5. Not So Different

_Seeing 101: "I can't do this.", different House!au, Sirius Black_

 _365: "All that blood looks good on you. It brings out your eyes."_

 _Insane House Challenge: vial_

 _Feline, Korat: emerald green_

 _Character Appreciation: book_

 _Book Club, Adam: schedule, red rose, "Don't leave me unloved."_

 _Showtime, Masquerade: "What are you so afraid of?"_

 _Amber's Attic: "Speak because your voice is currency. And their comfort is not worth your silence."_

 _Buttons: RemusSirius_

 _Bex's Basement, Danny the Champion of the World: Write about being scared of something but doing it anyway_

 _Film Festival: "I'm so sorry I broke up with you."_

 _Word Count: 657_

* * *

It's so easy for them to fall into their roles when they're in public. The rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin is natural, and Sirius is the perfect Slytherin.

"All that blood looks good on you," he calls with a smirk, Remus wipes away the blood from his face—an unfortunate accident that Severus _might_ have helped cause. "It brings out your eyes."

He doesn't want this. All Sirius can think about is sitting beside his boyfriend and wiping the frog blood away.

But he can't. At the end of the day, he is still a Slytherin, and the emerald tie around his neck is a constant reminder that he and Remus cannot be together except at night. He wishes things could be different, but he can't risk his reputation. Truth be told, he would much rather make Remus happy than his parents, but at least Remus won't blast him off the tapestry and throw him out on the street.

He forces his gaze onto his Potions book for a moment, then to his cauldron. Severus has already transferred the potion into a vial.

…

Sirius holds out a red rose, offering Remus an apologetic smile. "I didn't know Severus would do that," he says. "The rivalry between him and Potter is getting out hand."

Remus accepts the rose, but there's something in his tawny eyes that bothers Sirius. Normally he's at least somewhat relaxed. Now, Remus is on edge, and Sirius can't help but worry.

"Something wrong?"

"I can't do this." Remus leans back, head resting against the cold brick wall. "The whole secret relationship thing was fun and exciting when we began, but I… I just can't, Sirius."

"Don't leave me unloved," Sirius whispers, his chest aching as his heart breaks.

"Unloved?" Remus echoes. "Merlin, Sirius! The problem isn't that I don't love you. I love you so bloody much, even though I know I shouldn't."

"But you want to leave."

"I want to be more than just your dirty little secret," Remus says. "What are you so afraid of?"

Sirius blinks rapidly. He can't cry; even if tears sting his eyes and dot his lashes, crying in front of Remus is not an option.

"Goodbye, Sirius."

…

He doesn't know what to do. He loves Remus, but their relationship is impossible. If his parents find out, he's fucked.

And yet there's a part of him that doesn't care. He's spent sixteen years being their perfect son. Why shouldn't he take a chance and just… _live._

It's such a terrifying thought. This love is so scandalous, but he has to believe it's possible.

He isn't a Gryffindor, and he would never fit in with those bloody lions, but it doesn't matter. Sirius has no choice but to learn how to be brave, or, at the very least, to act in spite of his fear. Remus deserves better, and he will be better.

…

It doesn't matter what happens. There's a million things that could go wrong, but he can't bring himself to think about it.

"Sirius?" Regulus calls. "Where are you going?"

All eyes seem to be on him as he walks to the Gryffindor table. Remus looks up at him, eyes wide and brows knitting together in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

Sirius offers him a smile. "Do you have time in your schedule to forgive me?" he asks. His heart races. "I'm in love with you, Remus. I don't want you to be my secret anymore."

"What about…" Remus trails off, his gaze drifting to the Slytherin table.

Sirius shakes his head. "My parents will hate me," he says, "but I don't care. I just want you."

He takes Remus by the hand, guiding him to his feet. It doesn't matter that he's trembling, painfully aware that everyone is watching. He wraps his arms around Remus, kissing him.

"I'm so sorry I broke up with you," Remus murmurs.

"Take me back?"

"I'd love to."


	6. Special

_Sewing 101: "What are you doing?", Squib!au, Teddy Lupin_

 _Piñata: Order member_

 _Back to School: experiment_

 _Feline, Egyptian Mau: family_

 _Disney, I Wanna Be Like You: Write about someone who wants to be "normal"_

 _Dark Lady's Lair: squib!au_

 _Book Club, The Faun: following someone, worried, intervene_

 _Count Your Buttons: teddy bear_

 _Emy's Emporium, Urg the Unclean: Write about someone inspirational_

 _Arcade, Sonic the Hedgehog: running, electric blue, summer_

 _Word Count: 476_

* * *

"We should follow him," Remus says, watching their son running through the backyard, teddy bear in hand.

Sirius hates the worried expression on his husband's face. He would do anything to make Remus feel okay again. "Let's go."

He knows Teddy has been acting strange since his eleventh birthday. Once, the boy enjoyed being out and about. This summer, however, he's spent it hiding away and ignoring his dads. Sirius doesn't have to ask why. He imagines not getting his Hogwarts letter had to be hard for his son.

He and Remus follow behind Teddy. Their son doesn't too far; they find him near the entrance of the woods—just out of view from the kitchen—standing over his favorite teddy bear. Both adults stand in silence. Neither seem to know how to intervene or what to say as Teddy holds his arms over his beloved toy.

"What are you doing?" Remus asks at last.

Teddy looks up, eyes wide as he accidentally steps on the electric-blue toy. A deep pink stains his cheeks, and he awkwardly shifts his weight from foot to foot, wringing his hands together and clearing his throat. "Bit of an experiment," he answers.

"What sort of experiment?" Sirius asks, dark brows raising curiously.

The eleven year old's expression drops, and Sirius feels his heart break when he sees their son's tears. Teddy turns away quickly, sniffling. "I just wanted my Hogwarts letter," he says. "I don't want to be a Squib! I just want to be normal and do magic like you guys."

Remus kneels before Teddy and takes him by the hand. Sirius moves closer, resting a comforting hand on his husband's shoulder.

This isn't easy. When he and Remus had gotten together years after the war, the thought of being a stepfather had terrified him. Truth be told, he still hasn't quite wrapped his head around it six years later. Most days, he doesn't have a clue what he's doing. But Remus is so good at this, and it makes Sirius want to be like him, to know the right things to do and the right words to say.

He swallows dryly. He may not know what he's doing, but he takes the lead, kneeling beside Remus. "It's okay, buddy," he says. "I know you're disappointed, but life is like that sometimes. We love you, okay? Nothing is going to change that."

Teddy nods, though he continues to sniffle. "Even if I can't do magic?"

"Even then. That just means you're special, kiddo."

Teddy considers for a moment, lips pursing. After several second pass, he smiles and rushes forward, hugging Sirius. "Thanks, Daddy."

…

"You were amazing earlier," Remus says as he and Sirius climb into bed together. "With Teddy."

Sirius grins. "I learned it from you."

Remus rolls over, kissing him gently. "You're a good dad, Padfoot."


	7. Carry On

_For Elizabeth, my most dedicated Wolfstar fan._

 _Also for_

 _Sewing 101: map, family, forest green_

 _Piñata: hard_

 _Feline, Russian Blue: Write about a sensitive person_

 _Character Appreciation: bookworm_

 _Disney, Baloo: Write about someone feeling paternal for a child who isn't theirs_

 _Trope of the Month, bed sharing: Sirius_

 _Amber's Attic: "Failure is when you talk yourself out of becoming something amazing."-Rudy Francisco_

 _Buttons: dummy/pacifier_

 _Arcade, Big the Cat and Froggy: pond, frog, purple_

 _Bex's Basement, The Twits: "No one who is good could ever be ugly."_

 _Word Count: 1294_

* * *

i.

"There's nothing we can do, Sirius," Remus insists as they stare at the wreckage of what had once been Frank and Alice's home.

It's all too much, too fast. In less than twenty-four hours, Voldemort has won the war; Lily, James, and Harry are dead; and now Frank and Alice are dead. Remus wants nothing more than to run away and give up, but there's a familiar spark in Sirius' grey eyes. No matter how hopeless everything seems, Sirius is not ready to give up the fight.

Before Remus can reason with him, Sirius disappears into the ruined house. Remus stares on helplessly. He wants to remind Sirius that they have to move, that it is not safe to stay here. Still, he knows how his boyfriend is. Sirius has to see whatever this is through.

Several moments later, Sirius appears, holding a squirming baby. With a feeling like a punch in the gut, Remus remembers Neville Longbottom. Merlin, he must be around Harry's age.

The thought makes his chest hurt. Remus blinks back tears. He cannot allow himself to give into his dark thoughts.

"We can't leave him," Sirius says, wiping a pacifier on his shirt before slipping it into the boy's mouth.

"Come on," Remus says. "Let's go."

…

"We always talked about adopting," Sirius says as he and Remus sit by the fire.

"You talked about adopting," Remus points out. "I never did."

Maybe there's part of him that wants to be a father, but he is too much of a monster. Who would ever allow him to raise a child? Does he really deserve a family?

"Get some sleep, Moony," Sirius says. "We'll be at the camp in the morning."

…

Neville cries in the middle of the night. Remus makes his way over to the fussy child, picking him up carefully. "It's okay," he murmurs, adjusting the forest green blanket so that it wraps around Neville. "Everything is going to be okay."

Neville seems to settle as Remus speaks. Remus smiles to himself. "You miss your mummy and daddy, don't you?" he whispers. "It's okay sweet boy. We'll take care of you."

As he says the words, Remus realizes he's making a commitment. The world is falling apart, and nothing is promised, but he is dedicating his life to this boy, offering to be a parent to him.

"The world truly has gone mad," he muses as Neville wraps his chubby little arms around Remus.

…

Minerva waits for them on the perimeter of the camp. "Well?"

"Frank and Alice are dead," Sirius says, his voice tight.

"Sirius pulled Neville from the rubble," Remus adds, lifting the boy.

Neville fixes his wide, bright eyes on Minerva, giggling.

Minerva nods and wipes a tear from her eyes. "Come along, boys. Let's get you settled in."

…

Remus could almost trick himself into thinking they're on holiday. The camp is an actual camp. Cabins line the way. There's a pond at the center of it all, bringing the illusion together.

But the tranquility of the place cannot erase the fact that the Potters and Longbottoms aren't the only ones dead. Too many members of the Order have perished; so many innocent lives have been taken.

Remus settles into his cabin, watching as Neville stumbles along. "Everything is going to be okay," Remus murmurs.

ii.

"Remus!" Neville calls, offering him a toothy grin. "Remus, look!"

Remus looks up from his book as the six year old holds up a frog he's caught. "Very nice," he praises. "Now, let him go."

Neville looks like he might cry at that. He sniffles, but no tears fall. "Yes sir," he mutters with a pout before stalking off.

"Was that necessary?" Sirius asks, sitting beside Remus and kissing his cheek. "He could use a pet."

"Are you going to catch flies to feed the thing?" Remus returns his attention to the book.

"Fair point."

…

"I don't want you to go!" Neville sniffles as Remus and Sirius stand outside the Weasleys' cabin. "Stay!"

"Wish we could, kiddo," Remus says, affectionately ruffling Neville's dark hair. "You be good for Mrs. Weasley, okay?"

Neville still looks unsure, but he nods. "'Kay. Love you."

"We love you too," Remus says.

"Thanks for doing this, Molly," Sirius says as Neville runs off to play with Ginny.

The older woman smiles fondly, nodding. "It's no trouble at all. Do you know how long you'll be gone?"

Remus shakes his head. He hates not knowing because it means those they leave behind will have to worry until they return—if they return at all. It isn't like the war before Voldemort won. Once, there had been some semblance of certainty. Now, everything is one great big unknown.

All he knows is that they are still fighting. They continue to lose, but that will not stop them.

Now, he has more reason to fight now. He looks past Molly and sees Neville running around with Ginny. Maybe Neville is not his son by blood, but Remus and Sirius are still his fathers.

"Be safe," Molly says.

"We will."

…

The mission, it turns out, is to recruit the magical to train and educate.

"Strange, isn't it?" Sirius asks as he studies the markers on the map. "The world is still turning. A new generation is still learning."

Remus smiles softly. "You rhymed."

Sirius kisses him gently before folding the map and tucking it into his pocket. "There's still hope, isn't there?"

Remus doesn't even hesitate. He thinks of Neville. He remembers the world before it fell apart. "We're going to win this."

For once, it doesn't feel like an empty promise and false hope. He has to believe.

…

He and Sirius lay in bed together, exhausted. It's slow work, getting all the children together, but it's worth it.

"I love you," Sirius says, curling closer.

It's the closest he's felt to normal in a long time.

iii.

"Am I ugly?" Neville asks, staring critically at his reflection.

"No one who is good could ever be ugly," Remus assures the eleven year old.

Neville doesn't look so convinced. He adjusts the collar of his purple shirt, frowning. "Do I have to start school today? What if I screw up?"

Remus raises his brows at that language. Sirius is going to have find a filter around their son. "You aren't going to _mess_ up," he says, pulling Neville into a hug. "You're brilliant."

"I'm clumsy," Neville insists. "I'm clumsy and I ruin everything."

"You're going to be amazing."

…

"Look at you. Professor Lupin," Sirius says, grinning. "Always knew you'd make a good one."

Remus can't even bring himself to smile. Once, having a steady career would have been all he could want. Now, however, it's so bittersweet. His job is to teach a bunch of children to defend themselves against the evil in this world. They're just kids; they shouldn't have to worry about things like that.

"Hey…" Sirius wraps his arms around him, kissing a trail from his cheek to his lips. "Everything is going to be okay. Got it?"

Remus tries so hard to believe. He has to. "Got it," he says, resting his head against Sirius' chest.

…

"I made a friend," Neville says proudly. "Two, actually. Seamus and Dean. They're really nice."

"See? And you thought things were going to be bad," Remus says as he fixes Neville's plate. "You almost gave up before you could grow."

"Sorry."

Smiling, Remus sits at the table at last, pressing a kiss to Sirius' cheek before preparing to tuck into the plate his boyfriend has fixed him.

The world has gone to hell. But here they are, a little family against all odds. The world still turns, and they still carry on.


	8. A Future Together

_Gobstones, bronze (escape): royalty!au, physical, screaming_

 _Gris-Gris: lazy_

 _Pizza, ham: "It's the only way."_

 _Disney, Jack Skellington: Write about someone charming_

 _Showtime, "In All My Dreams I Drown": lantern_

 _Count Your Buttons: "What are you afraid of?"_

 _Lyric Alley: I want to have control_

 _Sophie's Shelf, Mr. Babadook: "If you touch my son again, I'll kill you."_

 _Apple Bobbing: "I don't care."_

 _Autumn: change_

 _Birthstone, Citrine: "My mother says I shouldn't entertain stupidity."_

 _Flowers, Alyssum: rabbit_

 _Dessert, vanilla filling: royalty!au_

 _Word Count: 1003_

* * *

Sirius can hear his mother screaming down the corridor. "If you touch my son again, I will kill you!"

In the back of his mind, he wonders which servant has earned the queen's fury. More importantly, he wonders if the poor servant is paying for Regulus' seduction. Still, he has no intention of sticking around. Being a prince doesn't mean he's immune to his mother's anger.

Sneaking out of the castle is easy enough. In theory, he's supposed to have guards around him at all times. In reality, however, all he has to do is grin at James, and his main guard understands. Sirius is not made to follow rules.

"I heard screaming," Remus says when Sirius meets him in the small square used for keeping smaller animals. Remus brushes his fingers through an Angora rabbit's thick fur, carefully collecting the fibers. "Is Her Majesty well?"

Sirius snorts. He doesn't know why his lover has to act so formal. There's no one around to catch them. It's why he loves meeting Remus here. Prying eyes don't extend this far beyond the castle walls. "Oh, you know how Mother is… Angry, as usual," he answers with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Always pushing me to run off."

Remus nods, depositing the collected fibers in a bag before returning the fluffy rabbit to its cage. "I'm sure Her Majesty is under quite a bit of stress."

The prince rolls his eyes. "You can stop now," he says, moving closer, resting a hand on his lover's forearm.

Remus pulls away, as though the physical contact is too much. Sirius stares at him, confused. There have never been any issues between them; even though they are forced to meet in secrecy, it's always been okay.

"Have I done something wrong?" Sirius asks, holding his arms over his chest.

Remus' handsome face twists into a mask of thinly veiled pain and frustration. For several moments, he just wrings his hands together, biting his lips. Finally, he breaks the silence with a heavy sigh. "My mother says I shouldn't entertain stupidity," he answers, slender shoulders lifting upward in a shrug. "And thinking I could have a life with you is nothing short of stupid."

"It doesn't have to be," Sirius says. The words fall from his lips without him even thinking about them. "We could run away together, escape this damn castle, and live a nice, lazy life in the countryside somewhere.'

Remus laughs and shakes his head. He pushes his hand through his tawny hair. "You always were such a dreamer," he muses. "But I believe that might be too dramatic, even for you."

"I mean. Let's go." The more he talks, the more excited Sirius gets. Maybe he's always had this fantasy in the back of his mind, but he's never dared to voice it. Now, he can't wait for the opportunity. "I have enough money set aside. Remus… It's the only way."

Again, Remus shakes his head. His smile is gone, and there is no humor in his golden eyes. "You're insane."

"I don't care. What are you so afraid of?"

The other man doesn't answer. Sirius lets a long silence hang between them, but Remus doesn't have an excuse. He feels a flicker of hope tickling his insides.

"Meet me at the stables tonight," Sirius says. "Half past midnight. I will leave with or without you."

…

"This is a mad idea," James says as he helps Sirius pack, "even for you."

"I don't see you trying to talk me out of it," Sirius counters.

His guard and best friend grins at him, straightening the clutter in Sirus' bag. "That's because you're taking me with you."

"I am?"

James' grin only broadens. "You'll need someone to sneak you out," he reasons. "Not to mention, someone needs to steer the carriage. You aren't the only one who wants a change."

Sirius considers this, his thin lips twisting into a smile. James is one of the few things he enjoys about the castle. Leaving him behind would be painful, and if there's a way to keep his best friend in his life, he'll gladly take it.

Is it really possible that things could work out so perfectly? He's never wanted this royal life. The thought of him taking the throne and ruling is nothing short of a nightmare. But he doesn't have to worry about it now. He's found a way to take control of his life and have freedom, love, and friendship.

"Don't get us caught," Sirius decides, shrugging.

James laughs. "Don't worry. I rather like having my head attached to my neck."

…

He feels relief flood his body when he sees the lantern in the stable. Remus is there waiting for him, his bag resting at his feet. His face brightens when he sees Sirius and James approaching.

"Thank God!" Remus calls. "For a moment, I was afraid this might have been some cruel joke."

Sirius pulls his lover close, laughing softly. He no longer has to worry about others seeing him, about protecting the family's reputation. He's escaping a life of responsibility and strenuous expectations. Against all odds, he is on his way to finding freedom.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he says, kissing Remus gently.

This is his life. He will not enter into a political marriage for the sake of a kingdom; Regulus can have that stress. Lord knows his brother would make a better king than Sirius.

"We'd better go," James calls from the front of the carriage. "It's only a matter of time before someone realizes you're gone."

"Are you ready?" Remus asks.

Sirius nods. "I'm ready for a future with you," he says, helping his lover into the carriage.

As James steers the carriage along, Sirius doesn't bother to look back at the castle he's called home for nearly twenty years. That is part of his past. All that matters now is that Remus is by his side, and they are going to create a life together.


	9. Defying Destiny

_Character Appreciation: Remus Lupin_

 _Book Club, Chris: boyfriend, secret relationship, awkward_

 _Amber's Attic, Dirty Dancing: Write about falling in love with someone you shouldn't_

 _Lyric Alley: You don't own me._

 _Ami's Audio. Murder on the Rockport Limited: bow tie_

 _Emy's Emporium, curling up with a book: Remus Lupin_

 _Marauders Map: chocolate_

 _Fantastic Beasts, gremlin in Switzerland: midnight, Remus Lupin_

 _Word Count: 629_

* * *

His soulmark is still burning. Of all the things Remus could end up with, he never imagined it would be a giant peacock feather on his forearm. He hates it more than he can say.

He glances at his watch, groaning. It's after midnight, and he hopes Sirius hasn't given up and left. Really, Remus wouldn't blame him. Sirius probably has more important things to do. After all, Sirius owes him nothing; they aren't even soulmates.

It's almost funny. Everyone dreams of the day their soulmark finally appears, of the day the universe brings them together with their soulmate. Not Remus. He's already very much in love with Sirius. He knows he shouldn't be. Soulmates exist for a reason, and he's breaking every law of the universe by loving the other man.

His fingers brush over the feather that now marks his arm. The universe needs to sort itself out.

…

By some miracle, Sirius is still there when Remus arrives. The other man glances up as he tucks a cigarette between his lips. "Something wrong, Remus?"

For a moment, Remus can almost forget the swirling blur of chaos in his mind. All he really sees is Sirius, handsome as anything with his white bow tie contrasting with his dark leather jacket. How could the universe say they belong with other people? What sort of world would want to keep them apart when they're so clearly made for one another.

"You're staring," Sirius says, clearing his throat before exhaling a cloud of grey-white smoke. "Do I have something on my face?"

Remus shakes his head, cheeks burning. Leave it to him to find a way to make things awkward. "No. I just…" He rakes his fingers through his tawny hair. The words stick in his throat, feeling more like a betrayal than a statement.

Sirius drops his cigarette to the ground, crushing it as he closes the distance between them. He wraps his arms around Remus, and Remus feels like he might cry.

His soulmate will never hold him the way Sirius does. No one else could ever make Remus feel this way.

"I met my soulmate," Remus admits, pulling away. He taps his index finger against the fresh soulmark.

"Congratulations," Sirius says, and there's no denying the pain in his voice.

Remus sighs, suddenly overwhelmed by exactly how unfair the world seems to be. He reaches for Sirius but quickly drops his hand again. "No. I don't… I'm not happy about it."

Sirius' eyes widen in surprise. "Why not?" he asks. "Soulmates are everything."

"Do you really believe that?"

Sirius shakes his head. "No. You're not my soulmate, but you're still everything to me."

His words are enough to bring Remus peace at last. He allows himself to be held, to feel safe in Sirius' arms.

"We will have to stay like this as long as we're together," Sirius murmurs, stroking Remus' hair. "Are you sure you're okay with that?"

Remus nods. Though there will always be a part of him that hates having to hide, having to keep this relationship a secret, he can overcome that. At the end of the day, all that matters is having Sirius. Everything else is secondary.

His soulmate will never understand, but Remus doesn't care. The laws of the universe may say that the blond, arrogant man owns Remus, that he has some right to Remus' heart, but he doesn't. Remus has been fighting destiny for months. Why should he stop now?

"Got you something," Sirius tells him, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a half-melted bar of Remus' favorite chocolate.

Remus accepts it, grinning happily as he peels away the wrapper.

The universe is wrong. He belongs with Sirius. Somehow, he'll find a way to make sure things never change.


	10. Comeback Tour Romance

_Marauders Map: rockstar!au, pubs_

 _Disney, You're Welcome: someone tattooed_

 _Lizzy's Loft: black_

 _Showtime, Prologue/Tradition: balance_

 _Count Your Buttons: explosion_

 _Arcade, Ripper Roo: Lily Evans, "Good luck with that.", blue_

 _Piñata, easy_

 _Days, World Hello Day: meeting someone new_

 _Autumn: "You monster!"_

 _Color: mustard_

 _Dessert, birthday cake: Lily Evans_

 _Around the Board, Three Broomsticks: friends having a drink together_

 _Fantastic Beasts, Angel in Afghanistan: angelic, Aberforth_

 _Word Count: 1126_

* * *

Hogsmeade. Sirius tries to enjoy the peaceful scenery of the cozy little Scottish village. In another life where he's some silly indie rock singer, Hogsmeade might be perfect. Now, however, it's just boring.

"Does this bloody town even have enough people to fill a pub?" Sirius asks, pulling his black leather jacket on as he steps off the tour bus. "Christ, Lils. This place is a nightmare."

Lily follows behind him, picking a bit of lint off her blue-and-white striped dress. "I think it's lovely," she says. "You're just spoiled."

"Spoiled." Sirius rolls his eyes. "Right."

This village is too small. The pub, The Hog's Head, is tiny and uninviting. Sirius wants the glory of a huge show. Where are his adoring fans?

He knows, of course. His drunken incident had been a little too public. After a month in rehab, he's supposed to ease back into the music scene. Unfortunately for him, that means small shows that are barely worth his time. He doesn't know how long it will take to get his career back on track, but he can't wait.

"There's a festival in Edinburgh," he says. "I could hijack the bus, drive up there, and be a surprise headlining act."

Lily's lips twitch slight, and she shakes her head. "Good luck with that," she tells him before pushing him gently. "Come on. We have a mic check."

…

"Come on, Remus!" James whines. "How can you not want to watch _Sirius Black_? He's a literal rock and roll _god_!"

Remus doesn't even look up from his book. "One, I have to study for a huge exam," he says.

He's almost done with uni, and it's become pure chaos. By now, he has forgotten how to balance his studies with his personal life.

James snorts. "You can take a break for a few hours. It won't kill you."

"Two, Sirius Black sounds like a shrieking banshee. I don't see how you can listen to that rubbish."

"You monster! He isn't rubbish! He's a musical genius!" James holds his hand over his heart, looking completely scandalized. You would think Remus had insulted his mother with the way he reacts. "A musical genius who has never played anywhere near Hogsmeade, and probably won't ever again. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and we aren't missing it!"

Remus hates how passionate his best friend is. Once James sets his mind on something, there's no talking him out of it. All Remus can do is allow himself to come along for the ride. "I could use a drink," he decides. "Let me get my coat."

…

The turnout is ridiculous. Sirius had hoped at least a hundred people would have shown up, but the pub is nearly empty. Aberforth, the bartender and owner of the pub, offers him an almost apologetic smile. "Business just isn't what it used to be," he sighs.

Sirius wonders how booming the pub could have ever been. It's dingy and cramped, and he can't imagine it ever being comfortable. "Pity," he says, unsure of what else to say.

"Heya, Abe." A man with messy black hair sits next to Sirius. "Usual."

"Bless my beard. How'd you get Remus to come out with you, James?" Aberforth asks, grabbing two glasses.

Sirius notices the man's friend now, and his heart races. He's had many lovers over the years; being a heartbreaker just seemed to come with the territory. But he's never felt such a strong attraction so quickly, and he wants nothing more than to grab this man wearing a mustard yellow cardigan–odd attire for a rock show, but Sirius likes it–and lead him back to the tour bus.

"Sirius," Lily says, hurrying over. "It's time. Have you been drinking?"

"It's a Coke," he assures her, climbing to his feet and taking his jacket off, pushing it into Lily's hands. "Don't worry, Mum."

…

"Did you see that?" James asks. "Sirius Black was sitting right next to me!"

"Hardly impressive," the woman with auburn hair says, folding Sirius' jacket.

The rest is history. James seems to forget about the show. He moves down, engaging the woman in conversation and leaving Remus to sit there, awkward and unsure. With nothing else to do, he accepts his second glass from Aberforth and sipping.

Sirius Black gets on stage, and Remus can't seem take his eyes off the rockstar. He's seen James' posters before, and he recognizes the intricate black tattoos that snake down his arms, but Remus has never noticed how stunning the man is.

"Thank you, Hogsmeade!" Sirius calls out, grinning broadly. "It's a pleasure to be here. I want to open up tonight with a song about falling in love. So, you guys will hear it first."

Remus is certain Sirius is looking at him, but he can't figure out why it should matter. It isn't like he's a blushing fanboy. Why should he care if Sirius looks at him? Besides, it isn't that spectacular. The pub is practically empty; he doesn't have many people to look at while he sings.

And yet it makes him feel special. As Sirius sings, he can't help but smile.

…

"I leave you alone for five seconds, and you find yourself a boyfriend," Sirius teases when he reaches Lily and the red-haired man from earlier. "I wish I could that lucky."

"This is James," Lily says. "He's a huge fan."

But Sirius doesn't particularly care about James. He cares about his friend Remus, the man in the cardigan who was staring at Sirius throughout the entire performance.

James seems to notice the way Sirius is staring. He grins. "I think I can help you with your luck," he says. "Remus, mate, c'mere."

…

Remus still doesn't know how it happens. All it takes is a quick word from James, and the fireworks seem to begin. One smile from Sirius, and he melts. When Sirius invites him back to the tour bus, Remus doesn't even think twice.

It's only when they reach the singer's bed that Remus feels the sudden utter in his stomach. He clears his throat, cheeks burning as he shifts his weight awkwardly from foot to foot. "I don't…" He ruffles his tawny hair, hating how painful his blush is as it deepens. "I'm not the one night stand type."

Sirius takes him gently by the hand. "I know I'm not the most angelic bloke out there, but I promise I won't pressure you or try to take advantage of you. I don't want you to be a quick fuck." His cheeks glow a light pink. "Maybe I need to try something more serious… If you would want that, I mean."

Remus nods, lips tugging into a smile. "I think that would be nice."


	11. Please Remember

_Assignment 9, Arts and Crafts task 7: Write about an injury_

 _Marauders Map: amnesia!au, photo album_

 _Autumn: "This change makes me feel so… so…"_

 _Character Appreciation: scars_

 _Lizzy's Loft: hospital!au_

 _Showtime: "I must go."_

 _Word Count:1267_

* * *

"What…?"

He blinks as he sits up, holding his arm out. A thin, clear tube runs between his arm and a machine that holds a bag. The sudden movement causes the needle in his vein to shift ever so slightly, and he winces, hissing.

It takes roughly five seconds for the panic to set in. He's surrounded by white walls, and a smell that is just _too clean,_ and strange, beeping machines. He doesn't know where he is.

Worse still, he doesn't know _who_ he is.

…

The doctors fill in the blanks as best they can. His name is Remus Lupin, and he is lucky to be alive. They tell him that if he hadn't been wearing his helmet when the motorbike crashed, his brain injury would have been fatal.

Remus nods as Doctor Dumbledore tells him this, but he still can't process it. Motorbike? Helmet? Why doesn't he remember anything?

There's an explanation for that as well, of course. _Amnesia_.

"Was I driving?" he asks.

Even as the question leaves his lips, he knows the answer. He can't remember anything in detail, but there are flashes beneath the mist that swirls in his head, little flickers of clarity in the distance that he can't quite touch.

"No," Doctor Dumbledore confirms. "You were on the back of the bike."

Remus nods, still trying to understand. He closes his eyes, but nothing comes to him. "Is the driver okay?" he asks, opening his eyes at last.

Doctor Dumbledore offers him a comforting smile, blue eyes twinkling. "He is," he answers with a nod. "He has been waiting for you to wake up. Should I let him know you're awake?"

Remus considers, his stomach souring with fear. This person has been waiting for him. This person will remember him, but Remus won't know who he is. The thought is terrifying. This stranger could be anyone, and he wouldn't have any way of knowing.

But the words leave his lips before he can think about the consequences. "Bring him in."

…

"Moony! Thank God!"

Remus looks around, confused. There's no one else in the room who could be this Moony person, and it takes several seconds for him to realize the man must be talking to him. Remus shifts, wincing at the movement. It isn't enough that there's slight brain damage; his ribs are broken in three places, and there's nerve damage in his spine. He will heal, of course, but it's going to be a long, painful process.

"You…" Remus lifts a trembling hand before raking his fingers through his hair. "You know me?"

The man comes to an abrupt stop, grey eyes widening. "You don't know me?" he asks, and there's no denying the pain that flickers over his handsome features.

Remus opens his mouth. Part of him wants to lie, to tell the stranger that he _does_ remember him, if only to make him smile again. His cheeks burn at that. Why should he care if this man smiles? Why does he find him so attractive?

"I must go," the man says, turning and rushing from the room.

Remus stares off after him, his confusion only growing. Tears falls from his eyes, and he wipes them away.

If only he could remember.

.

"I don't know," Sirius sighs, pacing anxiously and scrubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "The doctor said he has amnesia. He doesn't remember me, James!"

James clears his throat before reaching out and gripping Sirius firmly by the shoulders, forcing him to stop his nervous trek. For several moments, Sirius can't do anything but stare at his best friend, completely helpless and afraid. He throws his arms around James, pulling him into a tight as tears begin to spill from his eyes.

His parents have taught him not to cry. Crying is for the weak and pathetic, and Blacks are neither. Today, however, he doesn't care.

"It's going to be okay," James murmurs, patting Sirius' back.

Sirius doesn't know how. Even if Remus is still there, _his_ Remus is gone. The brain injury has taken away the man he loves.

"This change makes me feel so… so…"

But Sirius doesn't have a word for it. Somehow, James understands and just holds Sirius until he's all cried out.

"It took me six years to finally ask him out," Sirius says, sniffling and wiping his puffy, pink-rimmed eyes as he pulls away. "It isn't fair."

"Do it again," James says simply, adjusting his glasses. "That's what I did with Lily, and it worked for me."

Sirius doesn't point out that it isn't exactly the same thing. Lily had rejected James multiple times. Remus, on the other hand, had been nothing short of relieved when Sirius had finally asked him.

But maybe James is right. Maybe he can make this work somehow.

…

He hates how vulnerable Remus looks, hooked up to the machines, so bruised and battered. Most of the scrapes and cuts have healed up nicely, adding fresh scars to his skin.

"You came back," Remus says, golden-brown eyes lighting up when Sirius closes the door behind him.

Fuck, it hurts. That beautiful look of happiness is so familiar–how many times has Remus looked at him with that bright smile and clear aura of wonder and awe–but Sirius knows it isn't really him. This Remus doesn't know _why_ he's looking at Sirius like this, and it's enough to break Sirius' heart.

But Sirius is going to fix that. Thank God Lily was able to give him an idea.

"I didn't get your name," Remus adds. "You left in such a hurry before."

"Sirius," he says, forcing his lips into a smile so broad that his jaw aches. "I'm Sirius Black."

"Remus Lupin," Remus adds, covering his mouth as he laughs. A soft pink creeps into his cheeks. "But you already know that. Sorry. Were we close?"

"Very," Sirius confirms, moving closer and setting the photo album on the bed. He grabs a chair and slides it across the floor, next to Remus. "I know you don't remember, and you may never get that back, but I want you to know how very loved you are."

Remus' hands tremble as he opens the photo album. The first page shows the two of them together with James and Peter at summer camp. Remus leans closer, tracing his finger over each figure in turn. "How old was I?"

"We were eleven here," Sirius says. "Called ourselves the Marauders. That was James' idea." He indicates James with his wild, unruly dark hair.

"What a silly name."

Sirius laughs. "That's what you said back then."

It goes like that for a while. Page after page of photos, story after story about the life Remus no longer remembers.

"We were dating," Remus murmurs, coming to a stop and staring at a candid picture of the two of them kissing by the lake.

"We were."

He turns the page again, and his eyes widen. In the picture, Remus looks so happy as Sirius places the silver wedding band on his finger.

"Peter became an ordained minister just to marry us," Sirius explains, laughing. "I just…" He twists his own wedding band, swallowing dryly. "I want you to remember, but I know…" He takes a deep breath, trembling. "I know that may never happen. But you're my husband, and I love you. I will take baby steps until you're comfortable again."

Silence hangs between them, and Sirius is so scared he's lost Remus for good.

Finally, Remus reaches out and takes his hand. "I think I would like to try."


	12. Finding Happiness

_Map: support group!au, Albus Dumbledore_

 _Character Appreciation: motorbike_

 _Disney, Te Fiti: Write about heartbreak_

 _Book Club, Starr: nightmare, witness, "Because it won't change if we don't do something."_

 _Showtime, Sabbath Prayer: protecting someone_

 _Lowdown, Jessica Jones: alcoholic_

 _Fantastic Beasts, thestral in Cameroon: death, James Potter_

 _Word Count: 1038_

* * *

"I'm _fine,_ " Sirius tells James.

But it isn't quite true. Fine doesn't fix itself yet another drink a two in the afternoon. Fine doesn't see the bottom of a glass more often than it sees its friends.

Fine doesn't have to relive _that_ day over and over again.

"If you're fine," James says, folding his arms over his chest as Sirius tosses back a drink, "then I'm a unicorn."

"A majestic unicorn," Sirius assures him.

His best friend is not amused. Sirius shrugs and reaches for the bottle, but James grabs it from him.

"I don't want to see you drink yourself to death."

Sirius almost laughs at that. "At least I would be with him again."

James sighs, pushing a hand through his dark, messy hair. It breaks Sirius' heart to see him so helpless, but what can he do? He's hurting too. How can he take away someone else's pain when he's still stuck in this nightmare, still haunted by his failures?

"There's a group, you know," James says, reaching in his pocket and plucking a piece of paper. "Lily's friend, Alice, goes to it. She says it helps."

Now Sirius does laugh. A group? As if people could know what he's going through, what he's feeling.

"I don't see why sitting around with a bunch of other miserable people will help."

James frowns.. "Because it won't change if you don't do something."

" _How do you always manage to forget where you parked the motorbike?" Regulus asks, poking his tongue out at Sirius. "Every damn time."_

" _I don't do it_ every _time," Sirius grumbles._

Sirius closes his eyes, willing the memories to disappear. They don't; they never do. He doesn't care that James might judge him. Sirius snatches the liquor bottle from his friend, opens it, and drinks without bothering with a glass.

"This isn't healthy," James insists. "Please. Regulus wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."

Guilt sours his stomach, and he sets the bottle aside for now. "One meeting," he says. "That's it."

…

 _The motorbike is just within reach. Sirius looks at his younger brother, smirking. "See? I knew where it was."_

 _But Regulus doesn't get a chance to offer him a smartass response. A man appears and draws a gun, pointing it straight at Sirius' head. In the back of his mind, Sirius wonders where on earth he could have gotten the gun at._

" _Gimme your wallets, boys."_

" _We don't want any trouble," Sirius assures him, reaching toward his jacket pocket._

" _Hands where I can fucking see them!" the man screams._

Sirius wakes, covered in a cold sweat and screaming.

…

"Its okay," James says. "I'll be right here."

"Easy for you to say. You didn't have to witness…" Sirius trails off, shaking his head. He can't bring himself to say it. It's been three months, and he hates having to acknowledge it.

"If you want me to wait in the car, I can," James offers.

Sirius takes a deep breath. He appreciates James' support, but he feels like this is something he has to do alone. "Go get yourself a coffee," he suggests, offering his friend a shaky smile. "I've got this."

…

"First time?" A man with brown hair and golden eyes nibbles a chocolate cookie at the snack bar.

Sirius can't help but notice how handsome he is. Swallowing dryly, he nods. "I'm Sirius."

"Remus." The man wipes his hand quickly before shaking Sirius' hand. "No need to be nervous. We're good people."

"I'm sure you are."

But that isn't his issue. Being here makes it that much more real.

…

 _Sirius barely even registers the fact Regulus moves, stepping in front of him. He hears the gunshot, then his brother drops to the ground. The man's eyes widen. "I didn't… Fuck, man! I didn't want to kill anyone!"_

 _Sirius isn't listening. As he drops to his knees, applying pressure to the wound, nothing else matters. He doesn't see which way the man runs; he doesn't care._

" _You idiot," Sirius says. "What did you do that for?"_

 _Regulus' lips quirk. "He was gonna shoot you, Sirius."_

…

A man who introduces himself as Albus Dumbledore starts the meeting. Remus quietly explains that Albus is the one who started this support group before most of its members had even been born.

"His boyfriend killed his sister," Remus explains under his breath as Albus allows a woman named Augusta to take the floor and talk about her son who died. "Messed him up."

"And you? Who did you lose?" Sirius whispers.

"My wife. She was killed in the line of duty," Remus explains, anxiously twisting his wedding band. "Three years ago."

…

" _Reg? Stay with me, okay? Hey… Breathe."_

 _Regulus' chest stops rising and falling. He is too still in Sirius' lap._

 _Tears fall from Sirius' eyes as he hears sirens in the distance._

…

"Does it ever get easier?" Sirius asks as Remus fixes himself a cup of tea after the meeting.

Sirius feels guilty. He should have spoken, should have kept Regulus' memory alive. Instead, when the old, bearded leader had asked if he wanted to share, Sirius had shaken his head.

"I still have nightmares," Remus says, "but not as frequently. Who did you lose?"

"My brother. I held him while he died…"

Remus sets his tea aside, reaching out and taking Sirius gently by the hand. "I'm sorry for your loss," he whispers.

The guilt deepens. Why does he enjoy the feeling of Remus' hand in his? Why can't he stop looking at how perfectly their hands look together? He should be mourning his brother instead, he's trying to fall in love.

As though he can read Sirius' mind, Remus squeezes Sirius' hand reassuringly. "You have to remind yourself that your loved one would want you to be happy."

Sirius doesn't remember _how_ to be happy. The days before his life became one endless nightmare seem so far away now. But he thinks maybe he can figure it out.

"What if taking you to dinner made me happy Sirius asks.

Remus smiles. "Then I think we would find mutual happiness."

He knows this won't take his pain away, but maybe, just maybe, Sirius can begin to heal.


	13. Call It Home

Sirius takes a deep breath, trying not to tremble as the thunder rolls in the distance. It's just a storm, nothing to worry about.

Except that isn't quite true. He isn't home anymore, and there are no warm blankets to hide beneath to keep him safe.

He sucks in another deep breath. He's chosen this life, and there's no turning back. Of course, turning back isn't an option at all. After his parents had found him in his room, kissing another boy, they had made it clear that he is no longer welcome there. There had been whispers of sending him to live with his ruthless great-aunt, Elladora. Life on the streets is more preferable.

"It's going to be okay," he tells himself as thunder booms, closer now. "Everything will be okay."

He doesn't know where he's going, but he keeps walking further into the city. Anywhere I'd better than home.

…

He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he must have since a woman with dark curls and bright, hazel eyes shakes him awake. "Poor dear," she says.

Sirius sits up, heart racing. He looks around and groans as he realizes he had fallen asleep next to the bins. He won't be surprised if he smells like trash now.

"Sorry," he murmurs, dusting himself off as best he can. He has to make peace with the fact that his clothes will never be completely clean again. "I didn't mean to fall asleep there."

He waits for the fallout. Will she scream at him, chase him away, call the police?

Instead, she reaches out, seems to think better of it, and drops her arm to her side again. "Do you have anywhere to stay?"

Sirius shakes his head, cheeks burning with embarrassment. He starts to walk away, mumbling another apology under his breath, but the woman follows him.

"I'm not judging you, dear," she tells him. "I'm Euphemia Potter. My husband and I have a shelter for homeless youth."

He stops. For several moments, he just stares at the ground, considering her words. He hesitates. Are there really just genuinely good people out there? In his experience, people who say they want to help usually have ulterior motives. When he looks at her, though, she's smiling like maybe she actually wants to help him. Besides, if it comes down to it, he knows how to run.

Sirius looks at her, offering her a small smile. "Can I stay?"

…

A boy with dark, messy hair sits at a desk, plucking a glazed doughnut from the box in front of him. "This is James," Euphemia says, gesturing at the boy. "My son. James, this is Sirius."

James puts his thumb in his mouth, licking away the sugar. He offers Sirius a smile before pushing the box forward. "Want one?"

Sirius starts to decline, but his stomach growls traitorously. It's been a day since he's had a proper meal. He nods, accepting a doughnut and eating it quickly.

"Not too fast," Euphemia cautions. "If you haven't had anything to eat in a while, it can make you sick. James, will you show Sirius to his room?"

James climbs to his feet and offers his mother a salute before gesturing for Sirius to follow him. Sirius obeys, taking in the shelter as he follows along. It is pretty nice. The rec room has boys and girls lounging around, watching TV and playing games. It doesn't look like the grim, stuffy places he's seen on TV; it's warm and inviting, just like a home.

"You'll be sharing a room with Remus," James says. "He's single, if you're wondering."

Sirius comes to a stop, cheeks burning painfully. He clears his throat, adjusting the collar of his shirt. "W-why would I be wondering?"

James turns and offers him a small smile that helps Sirius to relax slightly. He shrugs. "Sorry. A lot of the ones we get here are throwaways," he answers. "People whose parents can't accept who they are." James shakes his head, sighing. "Just want to make sure you know you're safe here."

 _Safe_. Somehow, Sirius believes him. His life hasn't felt particularly safe, and maybe living in a shelter should terrify someone like him, someone who has grown up with more wealth than necessary, but Sirius doesn't mind it. Maybe everything will be okay.

…

Remus Lupin is a tall boy who is covered in scars. He barely glances up from his book when James introduces him to Sirius.

"Right," James says, shrugging. "I reckon I'll leave you to settle in. I'll bring you some spare clothes from the donations box."

And then he's gone. Sirius hesitates awkwardly. It won't take long to get settled in; he doesn't have anything but the clothes on his back. With nothing else to do, he sits on his bed. "What's your story?" he asks.

Remus sets his book aside, cheeks glowing a warm pink. For several seconds, he just looks at the teddy bear–a raggedy honey-brown thing that is missing an eye–as though he expects the stuffed animal to answer for him. Finally, he shrugs, tapping his slender fingers nervously against his book. "Bit personal, isn't it? I don't even know you."

Sirius looks away. "Right. Sorry."

…

It goes like that for a few weeks. Slowly, the shelter begins to feel like home–except not really because home has always been another word for hell. Remus begins talking to him, but he remains a mystery.

Sirius watches him. He knows how Remus purses his lips when he reads. He knows those tawny eyes light up whenever he's excited.

It isn't enough. He wants to know more about Remus.

"Christ," he mutters, laying in bed and listening to the other boy's soft snores.

Maybe he's beginning to fall.

…

"I'm an orphan," Remus finally explains one evening as he helps Sirius with his schoolwork.

"Why aren't you in an orphanage? Or, you know… with family?"

Remus winces. He touches a finger to the long, jagged scar that runs from the corner of his left eye to the middle of his upper lip. He's covered in scars, but Sirius has always been too afraid to ask.

"I lived with Uncle Fenrir," he says, dropping his hand and gripping the edge of the table until his knuckles turn white. "He… He was a nasty drunk."

Sirius listens to the tale, and his heart shatters within his chest. Aside from having a terrible drinking problem, Remus' uncle also had some sadistic tendencies. Remus doesn't go into detail, but he says enough for Sirius to understand.

"It's been about three months since I ran away," Remus says, shuddering. "I hope I never have to see him again."

Sirius doesn't know what else to do. He leans in, praying silently as he presses his lips to Remus'. At first, Remus' eyes widen on confusion, but he relaxes into it.

"I'm sorry," Sirius whispers as he pulls away.

Remus offers him a shy smile. "Don't be. I liked it."

That's all Sirius needs. He moves closer, kissing Remus again.

They've both been through hell. Sirius isn't sure that they'll ever fully heal from it. But there is finally hope in this darkness, and he thinks that maybe he's finally found home.


	14. Strength and Sacrifice

_For Liza via GGE. Enjoy, darling_

 _Word Count: 3569_

* * *

i.

Sirius wakes up, screaming. A cold sweat covers his body, and his pajamas cling to his skin. For several moments, all he can do is suck in trembling breath after trembling breath.

It isn't real. Just a nightmare.

But it felt so bloody real, and he can't fight off the nausea. With a groan, he sits up and leans forward.

It's been three years since he escaped the farm. His therapist tells him that integrating into society after surviving a cult can be a lifelong process. He just wishes he could actually feel like he's beginning to heal.

The fear has eased up, but he can't seem to escape the guilt. Regulus had refused to come with him. His younger brother had been blinded by their father's promises of glory and rising through the ranks, and he had insisted on staying.

" _I won't stop you, Sirius," Regulus had said as they stood by the lake just before sunset. "But if you try to force me, I will scream. Wouldn't want another beating, would you?"_

And so Sirius had left him behind. He should have tried harder, but Regulus had refused to see reason.

"Can't save them all," he mutters to himself before collapsing back and sinking into the pillows.

Still, he can't shake the feeling that he has to try.

…

"I feel like I have to go back," he tells his therapist.

Doctor McGonagall takes a deep breath. Sirius has learned to be grateful for the moments when she calms herself before proceeding. As lovely as she is, he gets the feeling she has a sharp tongue despite her professional demeanor. "Has something happened to make you feel this way?" she asks.

Sirius tells her about the nightmares. It isn't the first time he's told her about the terrible dreams. His earlier sessions with the therapist had been nothing short of endless monologues about the demons that haunt him at night. After about three months, he'd had a breakthrough, and the nightmares were fewer.

"It was Regulus," he says, slumping forward slightly. "I just… I need to save him."

"Have you attempted to make contact with your brother?"

Sirius wrings his hands together. He's thought about it, and the resources are there. Even after leaving, he knows he can still come back.

"I'm scared," he admits.

"What are you scared of?"

He turns his gaze to the clock, letting silence hang between them as the second hand ticks away the time. How can he express what he feels? He understands, and maybe Doctor McGonagall would too, but he's so afraid to open up and let her see past the surface.

"Looks like our time is up," he says, climbing to his feet and pulling his leather jacket on. "Same time next week?"

He doesn't give her the chance to answer. He hurries out before she can insist that he stays and works toward another breakthrough.

He needs a drink.

…

"Ever met a death cult survivor?" Sirius asks, lips twisting into a bright grin. "If not, you have now."

In the back of his mind, Sirius knows he shouldn't be so forward. _Cult_ is such a nasty word, and it has a way of putting people off. He's too drunk to really care right now. Let the world know he's lived a fucked up life.

"Maybe you should take it easy," the man with messy black hair and bright hazel eyes suggests, offering him a small smile. "Think you might have had a few too many, mate."

"'S true," Sirius slurs, pushing a hand through his shaggy hair. "Fellowship of Riddles."

"I remember seeing that on the news," the dark-haired man's friend chimes in. "Remember, James?"

James snorts. "Of course you'd remember something like that," he teases. "Remus plans on being a social worker. He has a real soft spot for that cult mumbo jumbo."

"Mumbo jumbo," Sirius echoes, giggling. It's a good phrase. Very pleasing to the ears.

"Can I walk you home?" Remus asks. "You're in no condition to be out."

Sirius swallows dryly. Remus is gorgeous. Back at the commune, Sirius had noticed other boys. He and his cousin's boyfriend, Lucius, had even stolen a few kisses from time to time. None of that measures up to Remus.

"I think I'd like that," he says, climbing to his feet and immediately falling to the floor. The room fades to black.

…

Sirius bolts upright, screaming. The room is dark, and he hates it.

There was a punishment room at the commune. It was always dark, and Sirius, freshly beaten and unable to move, would curl up in the shadows, praying for the door to open and flood the room with light.

That old childish panic is back. He grips the sheets and sucks in a trembling breath.

"Sorry."

The light turns on, and Sirius realizes he's not home. His head throbs painfully, and he groans. He vaguely remembers drinking, but that's a common occurrence these days.

Sirius rubs his eyes before looking up. A young man with a scarred face and bright, tawny eyes offers him a small smile. _Remus,_ Sirius thinks. He remembers the bar, the handsome bloke, the offer to walk him home…

He looks around, realizing this isn't his bedroom. "Guessing I didn't make it home."

Remus shakes his head and sits next to him. "You passed out. Bit of a messy drunk, aren't you?"

Sirius' cheeks burn, but he can't help but smile. As embarrassing as this may be, at least Remus' presence has helped him forget about the nightmares, if only for a moment.

"I guess I'll leave you alone," Remus says.

"Wait. Can you…" Sirius takes a deep breath. "I know we just met, but could you lay with me?"

Remus considers for a moment. A soft pink stains his cheeks, and Sirius thinks it's unfair that anyone can look that cute. Finally, Remus steps closer and climbs into bed with him. "I don't see why not."

ii.

"Nightmares again?" Remus asks.

Sirius hates that he can't be stronger. Still, Remus has been nothing but supportive during the three months that they've been dating. Since that first night at the bar, Remus has stayed by his side, always quick to offer kind words and comfort during the bad times. "I thought I was over them."

Remus chuckles softly. "I was attacked by feral dogs when I was six," he says, tracing a finger over one of the many scars that streaks his face. "I still have nightmares about it."

It isn't exactly the same thing, but Sirius doesn't mind. Remus understands, to an extent.

"Come on." Remus wraps his arms around Sirius, snuggling closer. "Bedtime. I'll keep the bad dreams at bay."

He knows it isn't actually possible. Even though Remus has helped to ease his mind, nothing will ever be enough to chase the demons away. Still, it's a nice thought, and Remus' familiar weight against him is calming and warm. Sirius closes his eyes and lets sleep take him.

…

"Who even sends letters anymore?" Remus asks, holding up a handwritten envelope as he brings the post to the table. "No return address."

Sirius accepts it, curious and confused. He tears open the envelope and pulls the letter out, carefully unfolding it. "Reg," he whispers, recognizing the handwriting at last.

"Your brother?" Remus asks. "How'd he get your address?"

Sirius doesn't answer; he doesn't understand it, but he doesn't question it. He smooths out the creases and sets it down, eyes scanning over the neat handwriting.

 _Sirius,_

 _I should have listened to you. I thought you were insane when you left, but now I wish I had gone with you._

 _Mother and Father insist this is the right path, but I have my doubts. At least… I think I do? Maybe I'm just a coward. I'm not like you. You ran when you decided this was all too much._

 _Me? I'm running because the alternative is death. That's right. The leader has chosen me as the new sacrifice. Christ, Sirius… How many times have we sat through these rituals? (I hear you didn't mention that to the reporters. Good call.) I should be immune to it, right? Wrong. I'm terrified, and I don't know what to do._

 _Not even sure why I'm writing to you, if I'm honest. We all know what happens to the chosen, and now it's my turn. I guess I'm writing to say goodbye. I don't have much longer to say that to you. I was so cruel when you left, and I hate myself for it. Still have nightmares._

 _Well… Goodbye, Sirius. I love you._

 _Yours,_

 _Reg._

For several minutes, all Sirius can do is stare at the paper in his trembling hands. He knows _what_ it means, but he still doesn't understand. How can Regulus be chosen? Anyone else would make sense, but not Regulus.

"Sirius?"

Sirius holds up a finger. "Gimme a minute," he mutters.

Guilt twists his insides. He really should have tried harder to save Regulus. In the back of his mind, he knows it wouldn't have worked. Regulus has always been too stubborn for his own good; he would have fought Sirius the whole way.

"When's the next full moon?" Sirius whispers, keeping his eyes fixed upon the letter.

Remus walks over to the calendar. "Three days from now," he says. "Why?"

"That's the day my brother dies."

…

He thinks that maybe he should visit Doctor McGonagall, but he doesn't. Right now, he doesn't want to think about anything else other than Regulus.

He paces anxiously, raking his fingers through his hair. A mad idea forms in his head, but it's just that: _mad._ Worse, it feels like a suicide mission.

"You're plotting something," Remus says quietly. "You've got that face."

"My face always looks like this."

His boyfriend chuckles. "And you're always plotting something."

Sirius shrugs. "Fair," he admits before coming to a stop. "Want to do something absolutely bonkers?"

Remus hesitates, biting his lip. He doesn't speak for several seconds, and Sirius tries not to laugh. They've only been together for three months, but Remus knows him so well.

Remus sighs, and shakes his head, more in defeat than denial. "What do you have in mind?"

Sirius offers him a grin so wide that it makes his jaw ache. "Let's kidnap my brother from a death cult!"

iii.

Making plans is all fine and well, but actually executing them is a different story. Sirius can barely breathe when he gets in the passenger seat. After leaving the Fellowship of Riddles, he had planned to stay away. Between the abuse and the rituals, it's a miracle he hadn't been completely fucked up in the head when he'd escaped.

And now he's going to just waltz right back into the commune and pretend everything is fine. His chest hurts, and tears sting his eyes. Though he tries to tell himself again and again that everything is going to be okay, he doesn't quite believe it.

Remus rests his hand on Sirius' knee. The gentle pressure is reassuring, and Sirius relaxes ever so slightly.

"Thank you for coming with me," Sirius says.

With a soft chuckle, Remus leans forward, pressing a quick, soft kiss to Sirius' lips. "Someone has to keep you out of trouble." He pulls away and starts the car. "I've spent the past ten years making sure James doesn't do anything horribly stupid, so don't worry. I've had plenty of practice."

As they pull out, Sirius rests his head against the window. He's glad that Remus is by his side. Truth be told, he probably wouldn't have the strength to do this on his own. Just the thought of actually returning is enough to twist his stomach into knots.

It isn't quite enough. Though knowing Remus is with him does make it easier, it doesn't chase away chill that seems to have burrowed into the marrow of his bones.

Leaving had been difficult. Sure, he had been able to walk right out the gate and run through woods until he reached safety, but trying to find the courage had been painful. How can he just throw that away and go back, even if it's for a night?

"Thank you," he whispers.

...

They stop for lunch, and Sirius is on edge. He recognizes this little diner with its advertisement for the best chips in town. He remembers passing it on the rare outings he and the other children would be taken on. They're so bloody close, and he thinks he might get sick.

"Something wrong with your chips?" Remus asks, frowning.

Sirius shakes his head and offers him a small smile that feels a little too forced. "Fine," he says, though his voice is tight. "Best chips in town."

"It looked like the _only_ place to get chips in town," Remus says. "What's wrong?"

Sirius can't help but laugh. _What's wrong?_ It should be obvious.

Remus seems to understand. His cheeks flush with color as he adds, "Stupid question. Sorry."

"I know I'm worrying for nothing," Sirius says. "Getting Regulus out will be easy enough. It's just…" He slumps forward and rests his forehead against his palms. "I hate being so close to that damn place. The memories… I never really told you what it was like."

No one really knows. He'd told Doctor McGonagall a little bit about it, but he could never quite bring himself to properly open up about the abuse. If anyone deserves to know, though, it's Remus.

"Children were required to be beaten at least once a day. It was to teach us obedience," he says. "Tom, the leader, would have our parents prove their loyalty to him by demanding they beat us again for him. Didn't matter that there wasn't a reason. I was always so fucking scared because you never knew when it would be your turn."

He sits up straight again and grabs his glass, sipping the water. Thinking about it hurts. The physical wounds have long since healed, but some wounds never will.

"He was a monster. He was only ever happy if we bled or began to bruise." Sirius swallows dryly. "There were days…" He trails off, shuddering. Talking about it is so hard. "Never mind."

Remus reaches across the table and takes his hand. "You can tell me anything."

Sirius knows, of course. Most people don't even bother to get to know him. Once they hear that he's a cult survivor, they're quick to assume he's damaged without even learning about what he's been through. Not Remus. Remus is good and kind, and he's listened to and supported Sirius so much over the past few months.

Still, he doesn't know how to talk to Remus about this. All he can do is try to smile and pull on his jacket. "Come on. Not much longer."

…

The commune is exactly how Sirius remembers it. Remus stops in front of the elaborately-carved pine gate. Seeing the strange sigils etched into the wood brings back memories he wishes he could forget.

"The symbols are…" He shrugs. "I forget what civilization. Honestly, I try to block it out. But they deal with immortality. That's what Riddle wants."

"And that's why he has sacrifices?" Remus asks.

Sirius nods. "One a year. Always someone under twenty," he answers. "I don't know why that seems to be the magic number."

He wants to turn around and run, but he knows he can't. Regulus is beyond that gate; Sirius has to save him.

"Sirius?" Lucius Malfoy approaches the car, a confused smile on his thin lips. Sirius rolls down the window. "I never thought I'd see you again."

"I'm back," Sirius says. "And I brought a friend."

"A new member?" Lucius asks.

"I wouldn't go that far," Remus mutters.

"I know the year's sacrifice is tomorrow," Sirius says. "I felt like it was a fitting time to make my return."

Lucius grins. "You always were dramatic," he says. "Your parents will be thrilled."

Sirius isn't sure that _thrilled_ is the right word. It doesn't matter, though. They'll be gone before morning.

…

Sirius wishes he could run. Being back here is so fucked up. He sees children limping and cowering, and he remembers all too clearly what they're going through.

"As soon as we save Regulus," Sirius whispers, "I want to report this place and get it shut down."

"Agreed," Remus says quietly, slipping his hand into Sirius'.

Sirius leads the way. Some try to stop him, but he brushes them off with a bright smile and a quick reassurance that he'll catch up with them later. The layout hasn't changed much over the years, and he easily finds his old cabin.

"Should I wait out here?" Remus asks.

Sirius shakes his head. "Come on."

His hand trembles as he opens the door. It's just Regulus, just his brother. That doesn't stop the fear. He remembers running to this cabin, shaking and sobbing, trying desperately to hide.

Remus squeezes his shoulder. "I'm here," he says.

With that, Sirius pushes open the door. "Reg?"

His brother still looks very much the same, though he's grown a few inches since Sirius has last seen him. He looks up, grey eyes wide when he sees Sirius. "Sirius? Is it really you?" He climbs to his feet and rushes forward, throwing his arms around Sirius. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I got your letter. This is my boyfriend, Remus. We're here to rescue you."

…

Maybe there's a part of him that misses this. Sirius hates to admit it, but as he sits around the bonfire, eating fresh fruits and vegetables from the commune's garden, something stirs within him. Things weren't always good, but he remembers sitting outside with his brother, enjoying the fresh air and open spaces.

He bites the inside of his cheek. They've come too far to let nostalgia interfere. For every good, peaceful day, there were five terrible ones; Sirius can't afford to forget that.

"I'm glad you're back," his mother says, though her tone is too stiff and cold for Sirius to believe her. The only thing she's happy about is that Sirius' return can possibly save their family's reputation at the commune.

He wonders how she'll feel when she learns both her sons are gone. It probably won't be good. Still, he smiles. "Glad to be back, Mother," he says, scooting a little closer to Remus.

…

"This is absolutely mad," Regulus says as he follows Sirius and Remus out. Despite his protests, he seems eager to get away. "If I'm not there in the morning–"

"They won't be able to do a damn thing," Sirius points out. "Now, keep your voice down."

It's easy enough for him to leave. As far as anyone knows, he's just a visitor who might come back. Regulus, on the other hand, is chosen one. Too much noise from him could spell disaster for the three of them.

"This is the only home I've ever known," Regulus whispers when they reach Remus' car.

Sirius presses his lips together, nodding. He remembers that feeling well. He and Regulus had been born and raised on the commune. When he'd left, he'd been blind. Sometimes he thinks it's a miracle he's still alive. "You'll get used to it. It'll take lots of therapy."

"What's therapy?"

"Talking to a stranger about your problems," Sirius answers, climbing in the car. "Actually pretty nice. Plus, you have me, so you'll be okay."

Regulus hesitates. In the back of his mind, Sirius worries he might change his mind and run back to the commune. After a few moments, he gets in the back seat and shuts the door. "I'm ready."

iv.

They sit together at breakfast, and Sirius can't help but stare at Regulus. It's been a week since the escape, and he still can't believe his brother is still with them. He worries he'll blink, and Regulus will disappear.

"Wait. Turn up the telly," Sirius says.

Remus rolls his eyes. "You know I hate it when you watch it at the table." He turns, probably ready to turn the television off, but he sees what's on and turns the volume up.

"...happened after an anonymous tip earlier this week," a reporter says. "The Fellowship of Riddles was unheard of until around three years ago when a teenager named Sirius Black ran away from the compound."

Sirius watches as Tom Riddle is lead out of those pine gates with his hands behind his back. His parents follow behind, then so many other familiar faces. The news doesn't show the children, but Sirius suspects they're finally safe.

"Investigations are underway, but we're told there is ample evidence of severe child abuse," the reporter continues. "We are waiting for more news and will keep you updated as the story unfolds. Back to you, Michael."

Remus turns off the television and sits beside Sirius. "Well," he says, helping himself to eggs and toast, "you did it. It's closed down. There's finally some justice in this world."

Sirius nods and spreads some jam over his toast before biting into it. He never would have thought he would actually find closure. Though it's something he hoped for, it never seemed possible. Now, it's finally happening. Those affected by the cult can finally begin their healing process.

All in all, life is good.


	15. Balance

_Word Count: 493_

* * *

Remus thought it would bring him peace. Isn't that's the way it's supposed to be done out here in the lawless west? Vigilante justice is supposed to wipe the slate clean, but Remus somehow feels worse.

He reaches the little shack. The forest green paint is faded, and a window is busted out, but it is the closest thing to home he has found out west. Well, maybe it isn't the building itself. Sure, those four walls keep him safe from all the danger that surrounds them, but there's more to it than that.

He enters the house, exhaling heavily as he sets his pistol on the table. Now, so far away from the bloodshed, he breaks. Weak and trembling, Remus drops to his knees. He's thrown up half a dozen times since the showdown with Greyback; there's nothing left in his stomach, but he still heaves and gags.

"Remus?" Sirius comes in from the back, hurrying to his side. "Hey. Talk to me."

Remus opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. Coming out here had seemed like the right idea. Sirius Black is the most renowned duelist in all the land, and he had been so eager to help Remus achieve his vengeance. Maybe the nightmares will stop now; maybe he won't see that monster Greyback slicing up his parents every time he tries to sleep.

But new nightmares will take its place. He is a fly caught in a spider's web, and there's no way out. Now, he will dream in red. He will see the pistol in his hand, hear the sound of it firing. Greyback will fall, and there will be a pool of blood that Remus can never unsee.

"Shh," Sirius says as Remus begins to sob. Not everyone is cut out for this life. That's okay. I'm glad you aren't."

"Why did I go?"

"Because you wanted revenge. I know. I killed my ma and pa, and I don't regret it. But you?" Sirius tucks his fingers underneath Remus' chin, forcing him to look up. "You are a better man than I could ever hope to be."

Their lips meet. The storm in Remus' mind rages on, but it's quieter now.

This is his safety. Not these walls, not the pistol on the table. Sirius is there for him, and it is the smallest reminder that maybe everything will be okay. He isn't sure how, but he has to believe it. He might go mad with worry otherwise.

"You're bleeding," Remus murmurs as he pulls away.

Sirius glances down at the red the drenches his sleeve. "Nothing too bad. Just got grazed with the bull's horn."

"I'll tend to your wounds."

Maybe he isn't strong like Sirius, but that's okay. They have managed to find balance in this strange life, and their pieces seem to fit together so naturally. It isn't a perfect life, but it is his, and he couldn't ask for more.


	16. Never Coming Home

_For Elizabeth. I'm sorry_

 _Word Count: 2054_

* * *

Remus has always hated cemeteries. Visiting this one is even worse, and he can feel his heart sink to his stomach with every step. Despite the clear and beautiful day, it's suddenly hard to breathe. Remus hesitates, struggling to catch his breath. He doesn't want to be here.

But he has to be. He has to say goodbye.

Sirius is buried near the back of the cemetery, right on the iron fence. A willow tree leans over the boundary, shading the marble slab. He thinks Sirius would have liked this spot.

"I was supposed to protect you," Remus says quietly. "I'm so sorry."

.

 _"Stop saying I look like Chicken Little," James Potter says as they all drop to the ground, assuming the position to perform push ups. "He's dumb. And he's a coward. And I am not a coward."_

 _Remus rolls his eyes. Over the first week of military training, James has been on a tangent about Chicken Little. Sirius Black doesn't seem to help matters. The two always bicker and are quickly becoming like brothers with their teasing ways._

 _"Someone please shut him up," Peter Pettigrew snorts._

 _"With pleasure," Sergeant Moody says, appearing before the four of them out of nowhere. "Potter! That's an extra hundred push ups for you! You too, Black!"_

…

 _The four of them finish training together and end up in the same unit. As close as they became, Remus can't imagine being separated from them; they are his family. It makes it easier when they're all deployed._

 _"Look at us," Sirius says, putting an arm around Remus' shoulder and pulling him close. "Off to faraway lands on some great adventure!"_

 _Remus wonders why he shivers at the touch, despite the comfortable temperature inside the plane. Then again, Sirius has always had that effect on him._

 _"We aren't going on holiday, mate," James teases. "This is war."_

 _Sirius just grins his crooked grin, and it makes Remus melt a little bit. "Good," he says. "I like a challenge."_

 _"I think_ challenge _is a bit of an understatement," Peter chimes in._

 _Remus nods. "The most fearsome terrorist group the world has ever seen," he agrees._

 _The Death Eaters, lead by Tom Riddle, came into power shortly after Remus enlisted. He wonders if he would have joined the military if he had known it would mean facing a group that kills without mercy so soon._

 _The latest military intel has Riddle and his men hiding out somewhere in the desert in North Africa. Remus wonders why they migrated, but he doesn't question it. The working theory is that Riddle wants to extend his reach and is searching for anyone willing to join his cause._

 _Whatever the reason, Britain is bringing the fight to them. It's all they can do after the explosion that left Big Ben beyond repair._

.

"I miss him too."

Remus looks up from the tombstone to find James there. James offers him a sad smile before stepping forward and pulling Remus into a hug.

"It isn't fair," Remus says, fully aware that he sounds like a child.

"I know." James steps back and adjusts his glasses. "Sometimes we just hurt. And that's okay."

"You make it sound like the pain is random."

James shakes his head. "No," he says softly. "It is definitely not random."

.

 _Riddle knows when they land. Their commanding officer shows them a video that was delivered minutes upon their arrival._

 _Remus is frozen in horror as Tom Riddle's face appears on the screen. He looks so calm, so casual, like he's talking about the weather or something as simple as that. It makes Remus sick to see his dark eyes sparkle with joy as he makes his threats. How can anyone be so evil?_

 _"You know who I am," Riddle concludes, thin lips twisting into a smirk. "You don't know where I am, and you'll never see me coming."_

 _The screen goes black. Within seconds, Remus hears alarms blaring, coupled with frantic screams._

 _"Incoming!"_

 _He hears the sounds of bombs dropping. Sirius grabs his shoulders and pulls him close just seconds before the world goes dark._

…

 _He doesn't know how long they're under the rubble, but they're alive. Remus is weak, and his tongue is so dry that is sticks to the roof of his mouth, but none of that matters. They aren't dead; there's hope._

 _"You… you saved me," he croaks._

 _"Of course I did."_

 _Remus cracks his eyes open. Dust falls into them, and he hisses. He is so dehydrated that he can't even produce tears. "Why?"_

 _Sirius laughs. "Why do you think?"_

 _Remus opens his mouth to answer but quickly closes it again. He thinks back to the feelings he's had. Maybe it should have been obvious. He just never dared to explore the fact that he might be attracted to men. He thinks it would break his mother's heart if she knew._

 _Is it really possible that Sirius feels the same?_

 _"Penny in the air," Sirius whispers._

 _"Oh."_

 _"And the penny drops."_

…

 _"Remus? Remus, is that you?"_

 _He doesn't know how, but that's James' voice. Remus can't open his eyes to see through the debris on top of him. He can't judge how close his friend is. "It's me," he says. His voice is so weak and soft that he doesn't know how James can hear him. "Sirius, too!"_

 _"Pete! I found them!"_

 _It's a miracle. Remus is hesitant to use the word. His mother believed in God, but Remus had his doubts. Now, in the back of his mind, he makes a promise to go to Mass with his mother if he makes it back. After all, surviving this has to be the result of divine intervention._

 _He hears shuffling overhead and feels the dust and dirt fall in his face. "Hear that, Sirius? We're safe."_

 _"Good."_

.

"You can't blame yourself, you know," James tells him. "He wouldn't."

Remus swallows. He knows James is right, but he doesn't want to admit it. "Who said I blame myself?" he asks.

James laughs softly. "Right. You just usually walk around looking haunted, do you?"

Remus' cheeks flood with warmth. "Fair point."

.

 _The first thing Sirius does when they're out is pull Remus in for a kiss. Their lips are cracked and bleeding, but it is still the most beautiful kiss Remus has ever experienced._

 _"Pay up," James says before handing them each a canteen of water; they drink greedily._

 _Peter groans. "You two couldn't wait until we got back home to hook up?"_

 _Sirius rounds on them, folding his arms over his chest. "You had a bet going?"_

 _James shrugs. "It was obvious."_

 _As they fuss and fight, Remus looks around. It's nighttime, there's no source of light other than the stars and moon overhead. Though it's dim, it's enough for him to see the damage and destruction around them._

 _"Did anyone else make it?" he asks._

 _The atmosphere changes the instant the question is out. The others grow more serious. Even Sirius' crooked grin is gone as he comprehends the meaning of the sudden tense silence._

 _"What do we do now?" Remus wonders._

 _"We set up camp for the night," James says. "In the morning, we'll make our way on foot to the embassy."_

 _It isn't an ideal plan, but it seems to be the only one they've got. Remus dreads the idea of walking for days in the blistering heat. Still, if it gets them home, he will do whatever it takes._

…

 _Sirius lies next to him, holding his hand. "When we get back to London, I'm gonna take you out proper," Sirius says._

 _Remus smiles. Home seems worlds away, but he likes the way the words sound like a promise. "I can't wait."_

…

 _"Are we there yet?" Sirius asks, sounding like a petulant child._

 _"Stop with the tomfoolery," James says, "or you won't make it there at all."_

 _"Is that a threat?" Sirius teases._

 _"Where are we, Peter?" Remus asks, tuning the two of them out._

 _Peter is hidden behind a map. He folds it once and tucks it under his arm before checking his compass. "There's a village up ahead. Fastest way to the embassy is through it."_

 _Remus doesn't like the sound of that. They're on foreign soil with no commanding officers and limited ammunition. There's no promise that the village won't be hostile, and Remus has no idea how to engage either way. The last thing they need is a diplomatic scandal._

 _If anyone else shares his concerns, they don't show it. James and Sirius fall back into their pattern of teasing and being ridiculous, and Peter unfolds the map again. If they're sure, Remus won't argue. He follows along._

.

Remus turns back to the tombstone. He should have done more. Could he have done more? Everyone says he did all he could do, but he doesn't quite believe it. If he did, Sirius would still be here.

…

 _The village is destroyed. Remus shivers despite the heat. It reminds him of something out of one of those apocalyptic films his father used to love._

 _A few buildings still stand, but they are falling apart, brick and mortar crumbling to join the piles on the street._

 _Remus takes a step forward, and something crunches beneath his foot. He jumps back to reveal a tambourine. It isn't a full-sized one; it is small and bright orange, little more than a child's toy, and it is covered in dried blood. He looks to his right and notices a tiny, unmoving arm barely visible underneath the debris._

 _"Bastards," Sirius growls. "I'd like to get my hands on them."_

 _"We should do something," Remus says, his heart breaking._

 _There isn't anything they can do, of course. The ground is too hard to give them a proper burial, and he doesn't know what their personal burial customs include. For now, all he can do is make a note of it. They'll pass the information along when they reach the embassy._

 _"Let's go," James says._

 _"I don't think so," Peter says softly, taking a step back._

 _"What the hell do you mean 'no'?" Sirius asks._

 _Peter lifts his hand, waving farewell to them, still steadily retreating backwards. "I really am sorry about this._ Now!"

 _No sooner do the words leave his mouth that they hear the faint whistle of bullets flying through the air. Remus barely even has time to process what's happening when Sirius grabs his roughly and shoves him through the nearest door. James follows behind them._

.

"Peter," James sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Bloody Peter," Remus agrees.

Remus isn't a violent man, but if his path ever crosses with Peter's again, he thinks he might actually kill him.

After they returned home, there was an investigation. It took nearly a month for the pieces to fall into place. Peter was a spy for Riddle and had been chosen to infiltrate the British military. He was supposed to be the only one to walk away from the bombing of the base.

 _._

 _"Sirius?" Remus feels his heart break when he sees the blood staining Sirius' uniform. "Christ, you've been shot."_

 _Remus realizes_ he _should have been the one to take the bullet. Sirius jumped in the way. Once again, he saved Remus' life._

 _Remus drops to his knees, swearing under his breath as he peels away his lover's shirt. There's a lot of blood spilling from the hole. Remus doesn't remember much about anatomy, but he can guess the bullet has hit something major._

 _"Do what you can," James says, propping his rifle on the window sill and lining up a shot. "I'll hold them off."_

 _Remus doesn't know what to do. While he knows basic first aid, he doubts that will help here. Still, he removes his own shirt and balls it up, pressing it firmly to the wound. Sirius cries in pain at the sudden application of pressure._

 _"Sorry! Sorry!"_

 _Sirius chuckles. "Don't apologize," he says. "At least I get a nice view before I die."_

 _"You're not dying. Not today. Not ever. We've still got a date in London, remember?"_

 _"I don't think I'm going to make it." Sirius' lips twitch. "Hate to stand up a boy as good-looking as you."_

 _"Then don't. Come on, Sirius. Stay with me."_

 _"I'm sorry."_


End file.
